Thor’s Adventures (Part 1)

"Alright, listen, big guy, you can’t go smashing those honking cars. Hell’s Kitchen doesn’t have any rule against honking during the day…"

Steve yanked Thor back just as he was about to charge out and said sternly, "Keep this up and you might get arrested, then sent to a mental hospital. From what I know about psychiatrists, you’ll be in serious trouble."

"Why do you Earthlings speak so strangely? I can’t understand your accents at all. Why do you insist on pinching your throats when you talk? Can’t you sound more like men?!" Thor shouted.

Steve took a deep breath. He was truly fed up with Thor. He gripped Thor’s arm with his right hand to keep him from wandering off, then used his other hand to take out his phone and call Nick.

"Nick, if you insist on making me babysit this guy, can you hurry up and get him a translation device? The two of us can’t communicate at all!"

That was right. The first problem Thor encountered after descending to Earth was his bizarre accent. Thor could speak English, of course, except the last time he came to Earth, the United States had not been an English-speaking place.

More precisely, the last time he came to Earth, even England did not speak what was now called English.

As a result, his current language structure consisted of Old English vocabulary and grammar, combined with a heavy Asgardian accent.

But the country he was currently in was the United States, a place that had always wanted to strip British English of its English citizenship.

That made communication extremely difficult. When Nick first told Steve to keep an eye on Thor, Steve had not realized how serious the problem was. He had planned to take Thor on a lap around New York City during his morning run, so Thor could see the place where he would be living from now on.

Yet in those few short minutes, Thor had acted like an energetic husky, wanting to rush over and bite everything he saw. Steve strongly suspected this was Thor getting revenge for that punch Steve had thrown at him.

Standing at an intersection, Steve put one hand on his hip and used the other to hold Thor back. Helplessly, he said, "If you’re trying to get revenge for that punch I gave you, then fine, I can apologize. But that wasn’t my intention either. You need to take it up with that Doctor who specializes in physical therapy."

"And it still doesn’t give you an excuse to bang on people’s car windows, move roadblocks around, and kick paint cans into the air. Keep this up and you won’t just get punched by me. You’ll get beaten up!"

Steve pleaded earnestly, but Thor could barely understand him.

Steve could tell he was preaching to a bull. Just as he was about to continue persuading him, his phone rang. Doctor Schiller said from the other end, "Captain, could you come to Stark Tower? We may need you for a strength test."

After hanging up, Steve immediately dialed another number. "Hello? Is Peter there? Oh, I’m his friend Steve. Could you please let him answer the phone?"

"Hey, Steve, what’s up? I’m eating!" Peter’s words were somewhat muffled. He clearly had not swallowed what was in his mouth yet.

"It’s like this. Nick gave me a mission. Basically, I need to take an alien sightseeing around New York, but something else has come up. Could you come take over for me?"

"Taking an alien sightseeing?… Really? Where is he from?… That’s so amazing? Oh…" Peter lowered his voice. His family was clearly nearby. After pausing to swallow his food, he continued, "Wait there. I’ll be right over."

Before long, Peter came running from the other end of the street. He was still wearing a Captain America commemorative T-shirt. As he approached, he deliberately pointed at the shield pattern on his chest. Steve smiled at him, patted his shoulder, and said, "If you want one, I can stamp one for you with my shield. Guaranteed to be an exact one-to-one replica."

"Really?" Peter asked excitedly, then hesitated a little. "But wouldn’t that be kind of disrespectful? After all, that’s a symbol of Captain America’s honor."

"It’s fine. As long as you complete this mission for me, I’ll give you one, complete with an autograph."

Peter was so happy he nearly jumped. He immediately grabbed Thor and said, "Don’t worry, leave it to me!"

Steve gave him a thumbs-up. Watching Peter lead Thor farther and farther away, he sighed. He even felt a little guilty, like he was tricking a kid.

Thor was even less pleased at being dragged along by Peter. Asgardians believed in the principle that whoever had the biggest fists was in charge. Though he resented Steve for sneaking up on him and punching him, he admitted that man was a strong warrior. But what was with this kid? He looked like a bean sprout.

After taking a few steps, Peter suddenly stopped. Thor froze, looked him up and down, and said, "Don’t tell me you’re tired already? Want me to carry you?"

Thor’s worldview was simple. Besides the ironclad rule that might made right, there was also the rule of helping the weak and caring for the elderly, frail, sick, and disabled. In his eyes, Peter was completely a child, and even among Earthlings, he counted as one of the weaker ones. He likely needed Thor’s help.

"Tired? No, of course not. My house is a little far from here, but it’s not that tiring."

"I just suddenly thought of where to take you. We…"

"Don’t mind me. That annoying guy is finally gone. I’m going to look around by myself!" Before Peter could finish, Thor turned and walked away. He did not need a child to lead him around.

As Thor prepared to leave on his own, Peter chased after him, shouting, "Hey, wait! My signed T-shirt…"

"Don’t do that! Don’t jaywalk, that’s against traffic laws! Wait… don’t touch that car, no! Don’t kick the door, people will think you’re robbing them…"

Steve could forcibly drag Thor back, but Peter could only stand in front of him and make him change direction.

"I didn’t—hey, stop! Don’t go that way! They’re doing construction over there, no… don’t climb over the roadblock back here… there could be…"

"Why do you Earthlings treat me like an idiot? I’m the Prince of Asgard. Of course I know what to do! I…"

"Bang!"

Two minutes later, Peter grabbed Thor by the foot and pulled him out of the mud. Looking down at his dirt-stained T-shirt, he said, "This is a genuine commemorative shirt I just bought. It was pretty expensive…"

Thor said angrily, "Couldn’t you humans make your roadblocks bigger? I thought it was just a low wall with someone’s yard on the other side!"

"Alright, listen. Steve told me you’re an alien, so I can overlook the fact that you know absolutely nothing about common sense. And it looks like you don’t really speak Earth languages either, so it’s understandable that you can’t understand me. But surely you can understand my gestures, right?"

Peter crossed his arms in front of his chest and said, "This means you can’t go there. Places you aren’t allowed to enter might be dangerous. Luckily, this was only a mud pit. What if there had been electrical wires underneath or something? That would have been terrible. You really need to listen to me!"

Thor ignored Peter, folded his arms, and kept walking forward. Peter followed at his side. Thor turned to him and said, "You’re still just a child. Where are your parents? They let you wander the streets like this?"

"I finished all my summer homework, so I’m allowed to come out and play. Oh, I haven’t told you yet. I’ll take you to my favorite arcade. You’ll definitely like it there."

"What kind of place is that?"

"It’s a place for playing games. There are lots of arcade machines there, and they just got some new ones. I haven’t gone yet either. Come on!"

"Oh, right, wait a second. I need to call a friend."

With that, Peter took out his phone and said to the person on the other end, "Pikachu, what are you doing? Yeah, meet at the usual spot…"

Five minutes later, Peter led Thor to an arcade on the edge of Hell’s Kitchen.

When he reached the entrance, he did not go inside. Instead, he headed down a narrow alley beside it. Before long, a yellow figure leaped onto the wall, then jumped straight into Peter’s arms. Peter gave Pikachu a high-five and said, "Long time no see, buddy!"

"Hah, I wonder who got so dazzled by his little girlfriend that he hasn’t come to play with his buddy in so long!"

"Doctor Schiller went away on a long trip before, and didn’t you have to help him watch the shop? I thought you were busy. Alright… alright, I’m sorry. Don’t shock me!"

Thor was very curious about Pikachu. He asked, "Is this your pet? Why is he so yellow?"

As he spoke, he reached out to pet Pikachu. The moment his hand reached above Pikachu’s head, he let out a miserable "Aow!" after being shocked. Peter hurriedly grabbed Pikachu by the tail and said, "Quit it, you shocked someone… Oh, I forgot to introduce you. This is my best buddy, Pikachu. We’re the best partners!"

"Do we have a team name?" Peter turned to Pikachu and asked. Pikachu crossed his two short arms, stood on Peter’s shoulder, and said disdainfully, "Spider and Rat. The Two Sewer Pests. How’s that?"

"Not good at all. It reeks too much."

Watching Peter and Pikachu fool around, Thor unexpectedly quieted down. He even said somewhat nostalgically, "I used to have a pet too. A clever, nimble hunting dog. Sadly, it died in battle."

"You had a dog?" Peter looked at Thor and asked. "Aliens keep dogs too?"

"Of course. Asgard isn’t far from Earth, and many of our habits are similar."

"Then why were you…"

"I just can’t stand those cars making noise whenever they please. Do you know that on the roads of Asgard, if someone dared let their chariot make noise carelessly, they would be whipped?"

"And those roadblocks don’t provide nearly enough warning. Even children can climb over them."

"And those people using strange cans to scribble all over walls. In Asgard, anyone who dares scribble on walls gets thrown in jail."

"Uh… that happens on Earth too. It’s just that this area is pretty chaotic, so no one really bothers to deal with them."

"When you put it that way, it does make some sense. You said you used to be the Prince of Asgard, so it’s only natural for you to care about these things. But this is Earth. You’re not a prince here, and rushing in like that might get you beaten up."

"My father is the Ruler of the Nine Realms. The Nine Realms include Midgard, and I am the future ruler of the Nine Realms. Of course I have to concern myself with these matters."

Peter had just been about to say something when Thor said, "Where is that fun place you mentioned? I don’t think it could possibly be more interesting than going on a hunt."

"Hunting? That’s medieval stuff, isn’t it? Come on, I’ll show you some modern entertainment. You’ll definitely think it’s great!"

Sorry, I wasn’t feeling well today, so this came a little late.